Hello guilt. We've been friends for awhile, as you know, but I've come to realize that our relationship is very unhealthy. You haven't been serving me well. You are actually quite toxic to be around. You make me say yes, when I really want to say no, but if I do say no, then you just sit around and gnaw at me instead. You become like a pesky, annoying fly that just won't leave me alone. "Why don't you just say yes? You are being selfish. You hurt their feelings. You are mean. You are a bad person. That's not how you make people happy. I thought you wanted to make people happy?" OMGSH JUST SHUT-UP ALREADY! First off, it's not my job to make anyone happy. That's their job. It's my job to make me happy, and Lord knows I struggle enough with that job alone. I need you to leave. I need you to just turn around, walk out the door and leave. I don't have any space left for you. I've been carrying you around with me for far too long and you are heavy. Like really heavy. And, I'm tired. I'm tired of carrying this load, a load that I put on myself. A choice that I made that creates within me the desire to put everyone else's needs above my own. I'm not selfish when I say no. I'm preserving my peace, my joy, my inner contentment and that's okay. It doesn't make me a bad person. It makes me healthy, grounded, stable and balanced. If I say yes, when I want to say no, I create within my being a rocky surface. I can no longer stand tall, balanced and free. I am now wobbly and even chained to the person who I said yes to. I put their needs before my own. Sometimes this is okay, when it is done as an act of service only, but when it is done from a place of pure guilt, it is not serving them, or me. It creates resentment within me. It causes me to be mad at myself for not honoring my needs, and resentful of them, even though it was still my choice. How does this help? It doesn't. It just doesn't.
So, my old friend we need to break-up. We need to separate. You can visit when it's warranted, when I have actually caused harm, but that is it. I won't be welcoming you into my head anymore. I won't be accepting your low energy invite to sit with you and lament over anything. I will remind myself that I am also worthy. I also have needs and they don't need to be ignored; they need to be honored; they need validation; they need love. I love you for what you've tried to do. I know that I welcomed you in so that I could survive. At some point, accepting someone else's guilt was necessary if I wanted to come out of my room, to eat or to have peace in my household, but that is no longer the case. I am safe. I don't need you for survival any longer. I can say no. I can walk with confidence that my needs are important also. I can recognize what you are doing and I can say no. No guilt, I don't need you any longer. I don't need your constant reminders. I don't need your berating, your gnawing, your relentless abuse. I appreciate what you did in the past, to protect me, but I don't need your protection any more. You can leave. You are no longer welcome. Appreciated, for your past protection yes, but no longer needed for my current protection.
This break-up is long overdue. I've worn you like a coat of protection for too long. I got comfortable and you did offer me safety at one point, but those days are gone. I'm taking off this heavy blanket of guilt that I thought I needed. It's part of my people-pleasing tendencies and honestly, I just don't want to please people anymore. I want to please me, and that doesn't make me selfish because I can't help others and serve them effectively if I'm doing it with the intentions of soothing the pain guilt brings me. I want to serve others from a place of love, not fear, from a place of no expectations, no attachments, no holds. I want to give of myself with no fear. I want to offer up only the purity of unattached love, with no expectations or fear present. I can't do that when you are around. So, pack your bags, get out of my head, walk away and don't return unless I truly do something that warrants guilt and correction. Goodbye my old friend. It's been a long journey, you and me. I know I will have days when you will creep back in and I will be weak and accept you, but let our encounters only be brief, even awkward, so that I am reminded that we aren't friends anymore, and there's a clear reason why we broke up. Now be on your way. Dress warm. It's cold outside, but there's no warmth left here for you. You are a parasite. It's time to find a new host and I pray they too will see what you are doing to them and find their way to let you go also. See ya' later guilt. I'm walking in a new light now and your darkness simply can't survive next to me.